The Colour of Blood and Other Weird Lies

I fly upon terror wings
Fearless and fucking
Mad

Get the fuck back

Borne of existential dread
Drowning in the wet spot
I’ve made in your bed
Where I fucked the madness out
Of your pretty little head

What have I done

Life is not Christmas
There is no way to win this
There is no end to wish
There is no sweet salvation
In the deepest thrust I give

There is only this true moment
Firmly in my grip
Lost inside your kiss
Hiding from my secret wish
To end this

Wither in waiting
For faith in some ending
That I am pretending
To want

Because I need to want
I need to flaunt
Something

I burn in all the fear
Of my existence
In all the tears
Of your resistance

Let
Me
In

Let me win
Let me love you
Let it begin
Please let me trust you
I don’t want to win
I don’t want to win
I just want to live

I’m burning as you witness

You watch and hold your breath
You feast upon my death
To ease your breath

I burn so you can witness

But you…
You smell the meat
Feed the opportunist
And leave bruises
Broken bones
And spilt fluids
Instead

A beast
In the streets
A sweet treat
In the sheets
A lie and a trick
Made of ribbons and meat
I always give in
And she always eats

Fuck me
Everyone
Is so fucking hungry

Drunk Haircut

Everything I loved
I lost

Don’t make the mistake
Of thinking
You’re different

You’re not

Don’t think I’m afraid
Of losing you

Even as my deepest pain
I’m ready
And waiting

I get drunk
And give myself a haircut
You think I give a fuck

I get drunk
And give myself a haircut

Did I fill your cup?
Can you get the fuck up?
And be yourself
For a minute or twelve
Take care of yourself
And get the fuck out
Of my face

Wake the fuck up
Get over yourself
Grow the fuck up
And fill your own cup

Stand the fuck up
Or go lay down
In some other part of town
Please

Why the fuck
Are you just
A shadow
Of your true self
A cowardly mockery you’ve placed on a shelf
Why the fuck
Did you give up

And leave me alone
In this graveyard of fools
And broken tools
Used
For nothing

Why the fuck
Did you give up

When the fuck
Did I give up

What’s the question
Where’s my cup
I need a fill up

Please
Help me
Please don’t
Abandon me
Please
Free yourself
From that fucking shelf
Before I break myself
And burn it all down

Please
Believe me
Please see
Yourself

Black Flags of Rose Coloured Days

This is inspired by a meme I saw on Facebook. Picture Eminem’s long lost bastard redhead slightly more metal step brother emo crying into his cereal and rapping it while you read.

I have also included a link to an appropriate beat, for those who need it. I highly recommend reading along to the beat, starting at 23 seconds. Or just get down and rap it out loud, yourself (very strongly recommended). If you do, send me the recording, please and thanks.

Required listening for the full experience

It takes time
I can safely say
Looking behind
At the horror of heartbreak
And losing my mind

It takes time
To unwind
The mess of chains
They left behind

The coil wraps
Tightly
And binds you
And blinds you
Becomes you
Entwines you

Until you turn blue
Until something reminds you
And shows you the truth
Without rose colours oozing
Delusions
Inside you

And all that confusion
Just melts in the fusion
Of feeling like dying
And always refusing

The pain stays alive
Eternal solution
The final conclusion
To all the abuse

I tell myself
It’s good to hurt
It’s good to feel
To make it real

Dream and believe
That I find relief
In purpose controlled
Curation so droll
I just want to sleep

Perpetuate usless
Repeated dark tributes
To all that abuse

Protocol presence
Measured intentions
And theatre pretention
In muted condescending
Rules

Repeat the tension
The nightmare suspension
Of pain never mentioned
Pretending we’re present
And taking control

When we’re truly ended
Vacant and dead in it
Vacated the premises
Fucked off and lost in it
Husk in a haunted skin
Looking for warmth within
And spiraling into it

I want to look back fondly
Fairly
Past the faults
That I have buried

Bend the light to rose to see
To just believe
They were really warm and good
And treated me
Respectfully

That love is good
Not misery

But I must remind myself
They didn’t care
When I was there

It takes time
I can safely say
Looking behind
At the horror of heartbreak
And losing my mind

It felt like there was no way out
I fucked myself and built my hell

But I was wrong
I’m always wrong
I’m always right
Until I’m not
I must accept
Pick up, move on

And when I finally
Force myself
To break my shell
Move forward, friend
Into the dawn
I always find
What I was wanting

Patience, friend

There is no end
Don’t wait for it
Don’t pray for it
Just don’t pretend

It’s too easy
To get lost in the dark
And forget there’s a spark
Out there
That really cares
And wants to try
And wants to light
The world on fire

Just to see the sparkle
In your eye