I Want To (Punish You)

I

Hatred is a funny thing
It doesn’t make you want to sing

It makes you want to scream
And rip the wings
Off everything

Punish, judge, cause suffering

It makes you want to break the ring
And cage the birds so they won’t sing

II

I want a thing
I want something from you
That brings
Destruction, love,
Redemption,
Love

That brings
Eternal freedom
From your gloves
That hold my love
Captive

Before all above…
Your special thing
You’ve caged to sing
To you

I
Alone
My love

The same as everyone
My dove

The boat sails for all of us
We cannot help but make a fuss

We watch the moment fall to dust
We miss our chance
And drown our passion in the mud…
The song in our hearts that wants to sing
And cry and dance…

We miss our chance

III

Spoiled babies
Crying crazy

Welcome to the new generation
Zero fucks and no consideration
For each other

Ghost me
Roast me
Spit in my face
Choke me
Smack me
And fuck me disgracefully

Fill me with hate
It’ll be great
When you cum in my face
Degrade me
Hurt me
Put me in my place
That cage
That I deserve
For all my hate

I need it
Your punishment
I crave it
Sadistic wish
I’ll be your victim
Masochist

Just make me feel
Like a piece of shit

IV

*(The monster lives
In my desire
To make you pay

It feeds on pain
And grows in fire
Justice come to save the day) *

We are heroes of brutality
Fighting evil for the novelty
Of giving cruelty back to cruelty

We love it
We fucking lust it…

Your smile looks so fake
I bet your face feels like it’s breaking

Johnny 23 Breaks His Mind

I’m working on a fairly large scale children’s book series that will be a sort of sci fi social mirror of our world, with a cast of interesting characters on a quest for a promised hope. It will be unique – 23 books in the series, with storyboard type illustrations. I’m at the world building stage, with a rough outline for the first three books, about half a dozen main characters fleshed out with real personalities, and a general overview of the entire arch of the full story.  If any artists are interested in working with me on the book, contact me here.  I plan in involve many different artists in the illustration side of the series.

Year 1:
The Pact
The Fractured Dawn
The Key To The False Door

This excerpt is a rough draft of the opening scene of Book 1, The Pact:

Note To Self: Destruction

How long can a person stagnate
In a single repeating loop
Before they lose themselves
Before they dissolve completely
Into the way
They have paved

How long can silence hide you
Before your voice is lost
In the white noise
You’ve buried your head in
Alarming attempt to drown in
Your own denials

Alarming attempt to separate
Eviscerate
Complicate and decimate
Every state
That wakes you

How long have I been sleeping here
I look so old
How many years
Of my own existence
Have I missed?

How many days repeated here
I must have known
That I, alone
Had the choice
To move along
To just move on

I must have known
I’d be pulled into the gears

I must have known
That all these years
The machine we built
Was fed by blood
And oiled by tears
Why would I think
I’m safe in here

I must have known

When I plugged myself into the chair
Held in place with wires and care
My house of cards
Waiting for air
To destroy me

How long can a person hide their face
Before they forget they became
The replacement

Shame and a waste
You could have been you
But you were replaced
With a fake
That nobody likes
Anyway

Good job, ace

Like a boss
As we say

The Void Beyond The Red Carpet

(*Alternate title* The Magnificent Tomb)

This is the moment
It has always been
Beg for salvation
With the eyes of dying youth

Fading breath of desperation
We will not survive
We will draw the line
Beyond this eternal frame

To immobilize the terror of anxiety
In silence
We will hide from the void
And be left blind
By the cries of the whining youth

Beg for salvation
With lazy limbs
And empty heart

Demand the prize
While refusing to be alive

“No justice
Found in tombstone eyes
And cancelled minds”

Command with lies
To justify
The stagnant life of catered survival

Retire the spirit on ice

Crying want
A flaunt of formless voice
The eager wager the flight for fancy
Leaving entrails of dirt
And claims of gold
To fill the hole

Trick the soul
Into submission

Ask me not
I will watch myself
Growing slower
Receding into empty dark
Not for want
But lack of heart

The eyes grow cold
Opening the flower fold
To extinguish the light
Of god

To secure
The stagnant void

To become
The impenetrable coward

(…Limbless
Listless
Effortlessly
Lifeless…)

Once we had to fight for life
If we hoped to survive
Now we fight for nothing
While we wait to die

The Degeneration of Love

IV

Cascades
Broken colours
Mirrors
In shards of light

(cliche)

Ideas
Broken glass
Lasting far past
Endless silence sight

(cliche!)

Night is roaring
At the fading light

(always the same)

III

And nothing passes
In mirrors
Cutting down horizons
To shine an endless reflection
Of itself
All over my breaking face

Arrange the colours
Mechanical lines divide
To make the spectrum shine
Through my eyes

To change my mind
Arrange the shards of glass
Refractions blasted
To hide the sun, stains, past
Trick my mind
To paint a lovely false sublime

(The blinding light is fine
They always say
But they always look away…)

II

Choking down my will to breathe
To please
I laugh at my mind

Close my eyes
To hide
From life
And living
And you

Don’t remind me
This time
Can’t fix my eyes with your lies

There’s nowhere to hide

…But there are places to fly
When you understand why

I

Spirals of oozing concrete
Form
To point the way

Endless tongues into the mouth of a monster
Sweet lullabies
To make us stay

A little longer
Always feeling, falling away
And I’m going to do it again today

…And nothing passes
In mirrors
Cutting down horizons
To shine an endless reflection
Of itself
All over my broken face

A Little Something To Get Through The Work Day

Single minded ecstasy
So simply twist the memory

So friendly

Self-centering reality
In single minded memory

Intentions bent on bending
Intentional pretending

To create the eyes in mind
Outside
In the eyes
Of the sky

Performances for you and I
But mostly for the eye
Inside

Performances by I and you
To prove
That we can be
Like you
That we can do it
Just to prove
My love for you

For me…

Single minded entropy
Building layers carelessly
That fall apart relentlessly

Lost in the mess of an empty room
Drowning the seed
While trying to bloom
Summon the will
Then give up too soon

Friendly, now
Take the pill

I will
I am
My will
Is jammed
Between the rock and your hard face

Can’t place my mind
On these lines

Can’t face my mind
While claiming these lies are mine

The Fuckboy Twitch

Sittin’ at the sex clinic
Swiping on Tinder
Hottie sits across from me
Starin’ at my finger

Gotta get off
Gotta get off
Gotta get outta here

So many girls
So many worlds
To enter

So many moments
For my magic fucking finger

Why, why, why,
why, why, why, why
Does she entice my lusting eyes…

Dust, disease, rash, relief
Nothing ever stops me

I’m filled and quenched and satisfied
Exhausted, fucked and pacified

I’ve eaten so much pie
That I’m permanently high
And I want more

Why, why, why, why,
why, why, why…

My monster lust
It must
Envelope you in carnal trust
Consume you, bond in sweat and musk

It needs you willing on your knees
Enthusiastic smiling treat
It needs you soft so whimper please
Beg for me

And I will give you what you need

Submit yourself before my beast
And we will break the monsters free

You look through me with smiles and say…

Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I have diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs

And you go down
I start to swell

I’ll never fight
I’ll never tell
The softness swells…

Birthday twist
The hammer hits
And breaks the bell

Keep it sweet
Impersonal

Modern metro sexandgo

Concentration Camp On Wheels

Machines of God

?

Limbo
This is the same
Walked through a new door
Yesterday

Still waiting

I want to blame
I’ve got nothing to say
I’m walking down these halls of shame
Faceless
Right beside you
Just behind you
Think you’d have something to say

I’m blind
In the eyes of you
You’re clueless
In the valley of fools
I’m you
Fuck you
Yeah, you know it, too

You look so used

!

What am I to do
Take a job
Be a tool
Screaming fuck you

You do it, too

That won’t do
That’s not cool
At all

Look at you
Dull and droll
Playing fool
For dough

Playing ho
Dull and droll

Look at me
It’s too easy
To be breezy these days

So many ways to be lazy
Getting by is too easy
So many ways to be sleazy
So easy to be greedy

Pardon me
I didn’t mean
Please
Feel free

It’s so easy

All this time on our hands
Clean and polished
Waiting
Trimmed and perfect
Ready
To be demolished

Mostly cruel
Like you
Pushing stools
Feeling rude

Mostly hostile
Aiming crossbows
At your heart

Mostly juvenile
Taking part
To break apart
The rules

I’m not human
I’m a tool
I’m not me
Entirely
Performance rules

Animal is rude

I’m an animal
I’m afraid of
Being an animal

Dull and droll
Playing ho
I don’t know

Dead end eyes
On my mind

Fantasyland Of The Optimist

This is my world of make believe
I’ll make you believe
And then you will see

This is my world of make believe
And I will believe

I live in a shell
And call it a cell
And hope for the best
That’s offered in hell

Faith, I believe
But I don’t feel well

You never could tell

This is my world of make believe
My false reprieve

Pretend to believe
I want to be free in a world full of thieves
That I want to do good for the profit of fiends
For bloodsucking thieves

Pretend to believe
That this is my world of make believe

Think that I’m safe in the faith of my shell
But see with each step that things aren’t going well

I’ll never tell
That all that I know is going to hell
Wishing them well
Faith, I believe
That this is not hell

Faith, I believe
I’m really not alone in my shell

When all things around me
Have all gone to hell

…I will find a way to be
You and me

Faith, I believe
I’m really not alone in my shell
For you’re here as well

You will see
And then I’ll believe

You and me

Abasement Of The Masochist

Deep this wound’s revealing
I’ve kept myself from any feeling

I’ve kept myself from ever healing…

Scarred, I’m broken
Took this pain to be a token
Of my love for you

Broken down by my own virtues

Lost my way, don’t want to move
Won’t you speak
I don’t know what to do

Can’t find one thing with any value

Tell me it’s not true
Show me something good inside you
Say you hold it as a virtue

Tell me that it’s true

Deep this wound’s revealing
All these things I’ve been concealing
To spare your feelings

To keep myself from ever healing

Put your misery in me
To be
A token of my love for you

Won’t you speak
Please
I don’t know what to do

My skin is peeling
Scar myself to cry for you
To spare your feelings
I’ll keep myself from ever healing

A token of my love for you