The Colour of Blood and Other Weird Lies

I fly upon terror wings
Fearless and fucking
Mad

Get the fuck back

Borne of existential dread
Drowning in the wet spot
I’ve made in your bed
Where I fucked the madness out
Of your pretty little head

What have I done

Life is not Christmas
There is no way to win this
There is no end to wish
There is no sweet salvation
In the deepest thrust I give

There is only this true moment
Firmly in my grip
Lost inside your kiss
Hiding from my secret wish
To end this

Wither in waiting
For faith in some ending
That I am pretending
To want

Because I need to want
I need to flaunt
Something

I burn in all the fear
Of my existence
In all the tears
Of your resistance

Let
Me
In

Let me win
Let me love you
Let it begin
Please let me trust you
I don’t want to win
I don’t want to win
I just want to live

I’m burning as you witness

You watch and hold your breath
You feast upon my death
To ease your breath

I burn so you can witness

But you…
You smell the meat
Feed the opportunist
And leave bruises
Broken bones
And spilt fluids
Instead

A beast
In the streets
A sweet treat
In the sheets
A lie and a trick
Made of ribbons and meat
I always give in
And she always eats

Fuck me
Everyone
Is so fucking hungry

Love You Hate You Break You Eat

It’s so hard to see it right
In broad daylight

Why

How many times have I realized
I’m lying
When I’m trying
To be real
To speak clearly

How many lives
Have I
Pulled apart
In my careless want
Of nothing

Will you come to me
With decades bleeding
Between us
Revealing
A wound I inflicted
Without even feeling
The blade in my hand

Am I someone’s monster
Did I harm her
Thinking I had charmed her
Did I break her
Thinking I was making her
Stronger

Am I insane
Do I remain silent
And die in it
A fool that’s been filling his
Own cup
Without looking up

It’s all wrong
The way we are
The way we string
Each other along

Deception
Deflection
Deranged intentions

I am rage incarnate
I am love departed

The gaping hole of loss
The hard abuse of every boss
Of endless disappointment
Endless days of being exploited
By everyone I choose to join with

Take advantage
Place the bandage
Pretend you’re candid
When you planned it

Calculated and deceptive
Motive
Moves you
Forward
Through me

Why do you hate me
Why don’t you stop
When it hurts me
Why do you take
When it breaks me

Why don’t you care?

Drunk Haircut

Everything I loved
I lost

Don’t make the mistake
Of thinking
You’re different

You’re not

Don’t think I’m afraid
Of losing you

Even as my deepest pain
I’m ready
And waiting

I get drunk
And give myself a haircut
You think I give a fuck

I get drunk
And give myself a haircut

Did I fill your cup?
Can you get the fuck up?
And be yourself
For a minute or twelve
Take care of yourself
And get the fuck out
Of my face

Wake the fuck up
Get over yourself
Grow the fuck up
And fill your own cup

Stand the fuck up
Or go lay down
In some other part of town
Please

Why the fuck
Are you just
A shadow
Of your true self
A cowardly mockery you’ve placed on a shelf
Why the fuck
Did you give up

And leave me alone
In this graveyard of fools
And broken tools
Used
For nothing

Why the fuck
Did you give up

When the fuck
Did I give up

What’s the question
Where’s my cup
I need a fill up

Please
Help me
Please don’t
Abandon me
Please
Free yourself
From that fucking shelf
Before I break myself
And burn it all down

Please
Believe me
Please see
Yourself

Kittens and Christmas

I gaze upon her shining eyes
And feel the weight of long black nights
Dissolve

She fills me
Gently
Wills me
So gently

Her touch
Conquers me

Lets me in
Secret skin
Shows me
Overwhelming
New endings
Evolving edges

Awakens me
From slumber
Silence
Darkness
Blindness

She helps me speak my mind
And find the lines
I cross

She loves me

My little flower
Blooms inside my heart
Growing in the darkest parts
Filling me with little lights
With blood and love
And care and kindness

When darkness seduces my mind
When I fall inside
And hide alive and wide eyed
My heart aches to find this

To find her before me
Beside me
She finds me
And breaks through the lonely
Prison that holds me

My silver haired kitten
Sitting sweetly in my lap
Licking and tickling
And healing my fat
Fuck ups

So willing
To warm me
To love me
Adore me
And trust me
Each morning

The glory
Of her love before me

My sweet little kitten
I swim in her eyes
And I’m swelling
I’m smitten

My silver haired kitten

I’m singing
From kisses
And whispers of Christmas
The future that this is

Excited to wake up each day
I will witness
Her eyes gazing on me with love
And forgiveness

Heaven on Fire

Sometimes poetry can’t describe
That look in her eyes
The sound of her sigh
Or how it makes me feel inside
My mind is winding
Flying
High

I hide
My excitement
I try
But I’m blind
And alive
And lost
So gone
In her eyes

Sweet
Songs
Sing inside me

Sweet
Sublime
Sweet beautiful mind
Sweet kitten of mine
Come lay in my lap
Let me help you unwind

She parts her lips
And gasps
She moves her hips
And lets me slip
Inside her grasp

Lets me slide
And opens wide to push my might
Inside her life

She manifests
She burns desire
She drops to her knees
And sets me on fire

Soft bronze eyes
Look into my light
Look up with the longing
Of kittens and kindness

Look up with the hunger
Of ten thousand lions

While I am on fire
And lost in the highest
And brightest
Of flames of the purest desire
Pushing against her throat like a tiger
Fucking her like I’m possesed and on fire
Devouring her pain until nothing remains
But blood in our veins

Pumping out love
Like it’s made in the rain

I am the one when I’m buried inside her
She is the sun
And I’m blind
Standing by her

We will become
A great light and a fire
To bring life to the world
And to life bring desire

We’ll reach to the heavens
And then we’ll reach higher

We’ll pick up the torch
And light it on fire
We will be one
And our love be the pyre
To burn out the pain
Of the dead left behind her

I kiss her mouth and melt
She looks at me softly and knows how I felt
I hold her face in my hands and melt
I’m struck again by the hand I’ve been dealt

Thank the gods and the back door to hell

Cowards and Flowers

I’m trapped
In a room
Full of silent cowards
They act like mice
But their heads turn like owls

Feed them twice
And they’ll cling to you for life
Feed them at night
And you’ll be sleeping under flowers

Never trust the gut
Of a starving spineless coward

No one says a word
I speak into the void
No one says a word
Every eye avoids me

Cause no one says a word
We just repeat the things we’ve heard
Unprepared and burned by hurt
And never dare a naked word
Because we’re way too fucking scared
For that

Standing out is death
By billion rats
In hats
With teeth and traps
And all of that
Madness

Show me how you care
Show me something real and rare
A thought that’s not prepared
If you dare

No wait
A face
No walls
In place

That truly doesn’t care
If it’s seen bare
And aware
And staring
Into the void
Carelessly

Who cares
Right?

Why are you scared
Who are you scared of
Why are you scared
What are you so fucking scared of

Your face
My grace
My grave
My love

Fuck it
Fall
Fuck the monsters
We’re all androids
After all
(repeat ad infinitum)

Black Flags of Rose Coloured Days

This is inspired by a meme I saw on Facebook. Picture Eminem’s long lost bastard redhead slightly more metal step brother emo crying into his cereal and rapping it while you read.

I have also included a link to an appropriate beat, for those who need it. I highly recommend reading along to the beat, starting at 23 seconds. Or just get down and rap it out loud, yourself (very strongly recommended). If you do, send me the recording, please and thanks.

Required listening for the full experience

It takes time
I can safely say
Looking behind
At the horror of heartbreak
And losing my mind

It takes time
To unwind
The mess of chains
They left behind

The coil wraps
Tightly
And binds you
And blinds you
Becomes you
Entwines you

Until you turn blue
Until something reminds you
And shows you the truth
Without rose colours oozing
Delusions
Inside you

And all that confusion
Just melts in the fusion
Of feeling like dying
And always refusing

The pain stays alive
Eternal solution
The final conclusion
To all the abuse

I tell myself
It’s good to hurt
It’s good to feel
To make it real

Dream and believe
That I find relief
In purpose controlled
Curation so droll
I just want to sleep

Perpetuate usless
Repeated dark tributes
To all that abuse

Protocol presence
Measured intentions
And theatre pretention
In muted condescending
Rules

Repeat the tension
The nightmare suspension
Of pain never mentioned
Pretending we’re present
And taking control

When we’re truly ended
Vacant and dead in it
Vacated the premises
Fucked off and lost in it
Husk in a haunted skin
Looking for warmth within
And spiraling into it

I want to look back fondly
Fairly
Past the faults
That I have buried

Bend the light to rose to see
To just believe
They were really warm and good
And treated me
Respectfully

That love is good
Not misery

But I must remind myself
They didn’t care
When I was there

It takes time
I can safely say
Looking behind
At the horror of heartbreak
And losing my mind

It felt like there was no way out
I fucked myself and built my hell

But I was wrong
I’m always wrong
I’m always right
Until I’m not
I must accept
Pick up, move on

And when I finally
Force myself
To break my shell
Move forward, friend
Into the dawn
I always find
What I was wanting

Patience, friend

There is no end
Don’t wait for it
Don’t pray for it
Just don’t pretend

It’s too easy
To get lost in the dark
And forget there’s a spark
Out there
That really cares
And wants to try
And wants to light
The world on fire

Just to see the sparkle
In your eye

What Colour is Blue?

How can my perception of blue
Be so much different than you
When it seems to be so static
And infallibly true

But you see green
And I don’t see you
And you don’t see me
And we both get mean

How can my perception of you
Be so much different than you

What do I know
What’s really you
What’s really real
When what you put out
Is not what you feel

What do I know
Of a world that’s concealed

I want to know you
And you want to show me
But everything we think we know
About ourselves
Makes us doubt
Makes us blue
Shuts us out

When we should have seen
That we were meant to be
Green

We go to bed
Seeing red
And wake renewed
Consumed by blue
Who knew
We never knew
All along

Precious Password #23

It’s funny how we put locks on things
Keep precious trinkets

Hide away
Everything
With meaning
And value
Until they’re lost
Until it’s gone

Maybe that’s what happened to me
I barely exist
Forgotten and worthless
Empty shell of an old memory
Once loved

The dust settles
The shadows swallow the light that defines me
Soon I won’t exist at all

The world is not made
For people like me
And it’s funny how many of you agree

Personalities designed
Are lost on the timeline
They chained themselves to

We know it’s true
And we don’t help
We leave them to do
Whatever they do
When we could have
Made an effort
Become the glue
That brings us together
Where dreams do come true

But no
We want the blood to be blue

We leave the weak behind
And isolate ourselves inside our minds
The Holy Prison
Of all humankind
Till the day that we die

The weak help the weak
Not the capable, brilliant elite
That’s not the way of the world that I see
We believe in make believe
Deceived by what’s conceived on TV

It’s so easy to be deceived
To believe
The things you see

The strong always crush their feet
And steal their meat
And leave the weak to bleed
And feed
The machine

The one thing we learn from history
Is that we don’t learn from history

Feed The Wolf

The world is hungry
Resonating both inward and outward
At once
In a roaring clash
Of teeth and tongue

All of us craving

The vibration of anticipation
Is overwhelming
In the most glorious ways
The strength of my rising
Consumes me
Envelopes me in the milk
Of my love
My longing
To be alive
And inside you

It feels so hard to be awake and hungry
It feels so good to be hard

Birth and brightness
Breaking over the edge of my limits
Pushing me into freefall
And it all falls into me
Over me
In waves

Craving nothing more
Than to be exposed
Blown open
Seen in the moment
And still adored

The finger tips the scale
The will to be
Will free you
From yourself

Step forward into the light
And die
So you can be unearthed
And born anew
Reset
To the purity you hide
Behind
Your pain

Take my hand

I’ll be right here
If you need
If you feel too weak
Or falter on your knees
I’ll be right here
To lift you to your feet
And show you everything
That you can be

The only thing
Keeping you
From achieving your dreams
Is the will to act
Is your will to be

Take my hand
Come with me
We’ll burn so brightly
With the power of galaxies
Inside us