Foul Language For Your Hanging

I am here to judge
All
Every fucking one
Called

Stand before me
And be seen
Or mask your face
And fall

If you’re too weak
To be alive
To even crawl

Cower
Hide
And be enthralled

It is so hard
To change someone’s mind
Once they’ve decided
On an idea
Regardless
Of truth
Or proof
Or changing
Moods
Or growth

For jewels and treats
Perspective changes
Rewrites the rules
To accommodate fools
And creeps drooling
Over you
Like shortsighted mules

Change is not
What anyone wants
Once they’ve placed a lock
On a thought

He was the final lesson
My last love
To lose
So I could be free
Of
The sufferers

I would have drowned with them
If he had let me in
Mass misery, despair to wallow in
The prize we swim for

Time with them
Will bleed the soul from every sin
Will drain the eyes of every whim
Will suck the life from all the limbs
Because they do not want to win

I tell my lover
I don’t need you to suffer
I want you to win

I used to be a sensualist…

I used to wish
But oh shit
This world has made me
Want to hit
Spit
In the lips
Shit on
A sadist
Fuck this
Holy bitch
You win

Congratulations

I finally let go
Flatulation

Force // Nature

I watch her in the deep shadows of morning
Face calm and wandering
I feel her warmth being cast
Like the sun’s glory
Melting in my arms
Binding to my ancient story

I feel her inside me, softly
She stands by my side
And wants me

The glow from her love
Alarms me
Charms me and warms me

I am healed
By the way she adores me
By the depth
Of her story

She is my tender breath
My wish for the best
In you

My second breath
Of acceptance
Chance the wetness
Of the highest cliff
To be the witness
Of the final kiss

To be the one

To poke your head through the clouds
To live
To laugh
To have fun

She is the heaven in a kiss
The silent wish
Of eternity missed
For this
One
Moment
Together

She is my wish

My silver haired kitten
She tells me she’s smitten
Sitting
In my lap licking
Softly on my neck

I am so smitten
she makes me sing
Ribbons
She tells me
She shows me
She helps me

She grows me
When she holds me

And I am awake
When she folds me
Into my mystery
She helps me to speak

Freely
Completely
Honestly

Fearless

Oh my sweet
Sweet silver hair kitten
My sacred treat
I love you madly
Every week
On every street
With every meal
I get to eat
With my sweet sweet
Kitten

Broken Window

I am not a good man
Anymore
I’m on the floor
Bored and
I’d rather be a villain and a whore

I’m not going to take your hand
You won’t accept
Or understand

Most people lie
Deceive to get by
To get what they want
Look you right in the eyes
And lie

That is why
Monsters like me are born

I always wanted God to be real
I always wanted magic to feel
Like magic
To reveal
The madness

I always wanted monsters to kill

It was never enough to summon my will
To be
To just be
Life is mundane
Misery
Disappointment and despair
Endlessly

She said
It’s in our head
We have control
We make the bread
There is no scale
God guides it
But lets it fail
She said

Her God bakes bread
My god is dead

She poisoned me
So deeply
Plagued me
With uncertainty
Her lies cut so deep
I never stopped bleeding

I am hatred
Incarnate
I am rage
You farm it
I am change
And harm and
Chaos wrapped
In endless dread

I’ll bake your bread
Now go to sleep
In your made bed
It’s been years
Since I’ve been dead

My word is my bond
My precious
My god

Be gone
Poison song
In my heart

Consequence of Time and Space

As the dark age of the world
Draws its riddled maps across my skin
I harden

Dense and impenetrable
Nerves numbed by years
Of feeling
Too much
Now long gone
Nothing
Beyond the armored surface
Of old, misguided healing

I have become less of a man
Less human
Less truth
And tooth
Truly
Burdened by humility
And agony
Underneath
The effort to be
Present

Moments are lost
To things you could say
But can’t say
The compromise
Truth for comfort
Fit for size

Other people’s feelings
Will be
The devil

To advocate
For someone’s place
Who never asked
For anything

To justify
Their own face
Their own guilt
Their own blame
Blatantly
Blind
To the root of their own crimes

Dancing in a cesspool of magic
Tragic entities of laughter
And madness
Decorated in masks
And distractions
Laughing

We are mad things
Suffering
And hiding from everything

Until love finds us
Until love binds us
We are blind
And winding
Into the void
Devoid of meaning
Leaning into anything
Comfortable
To hide in

Ear Worm

I’ve been rising in my rage
Fighting in a wet bag
I’ve been hiding in a cage
I made

I’ve been lying to my hate
I am mirrors, I am flayed
I’ve been wrong about my name
And where I want to lay my face

My desire was misplaced

I’ve been fighting for a place
Amongst mental cases
Emotional babies
Lost to hatred
Angry and baiting
Anyone who dares
To stand against their outrage

She chases her demons
Cause she has no dreams
And
She’s always been bleeding
But no one hears screams

She tricked me
Lied and licked me
Like a wounded dog
Until I lost myself
To her sad song

No dreams
No passion
Cash in
Sleep
Retreat
Eat
Repeat
Complete
Waste

No ambition
Wish fulfillment
Disappointment

She will always be
My misery
That empty space
In place
Of my heart
That void
That grief leaves
That replacement
Of love with hate
That never goes away

This is what your silence created
This is what your lies made

A monster
Left to suffer
Struggle
And be hated

Can’t trust
Anyone
Lost my kindness
Come undone

Please go away
You and your kind
Are poison hiding
Behind smiles

Selective kindness
And fake lions
Trying
To corral
To offer help
While filling their mouths
With gas
And hell

To pass along
The trap of malice
Glad to have this
Shared with masses
Spread the fat mess
Celebrate weakness
Failure
Madness

Sad and fucking useless
Truth is
You’re not worth it

Force us all to sing your tune
And lead us all to ruin
Fool

It’s time to burn bridges

Drowning in Sand

How well do you know
Yourself
And all your shells
How well
How well do I know
Myself

Awareness is a blanket
To shed
Come out of your shell
I never share or tell
It smells the way I remember her
It paints the way I fell

Inward is a ranking
A discombobulated hating
Loving
Skating
Over all the time
That I’ve spent waiting
Debating
Contemplating
Everything

Do I really know
Anything?

Do I need to know anything?

Do I
Don’t lie

I’d die
I’d lay down and sacrifice my life

You think I’d let your insecurity
Draw lines
On my mind?

I don’t have faith in you

I think you’re weak
And secretly
Meekly
Sweetly
Offering your cherry pie
For the pretty eyes
Who despise you

But, please
Bleed your eyes
All over me

I understand the depth of my mental health
I know the grim truth of the beast
On my shelf
I know where I’ve stood
I know where I fell
I know the sound of the death bell
I dangle

And I know how to tell
Where I draw the line
Why I want to be alive

I know
Myself

Do you think
Another human could shrink
That experience into sand
Into something they might understand
Like they’ve fucking been there
Like they can give me
An educated helping hand
An informed opinion to extend

Have you never had a friend?

An idiot
Can hold the world in their hands
And not understand

And give me
Everything I seek
And help me understand

Therapy
Really?
How weak are you
That you ask for your truth
To be spoken to you

Fuck off and cry
Into your wine
You cannot stand with me
And mine

You live inside a different hell
And clearly you don’t see me well

Oh well
I’ll never know
You’ll never tell
Because I let it swell
Until you fell
In fear
Until you crawled into your shell

Monsters make
The day
Today

Cry and hide and go away

Too scary
For you
To brave the day
To come out and play
With the chains

You keep them tight
And look away
Instead

Life is disappointment

I’m so sorry
For the way
I’ve displayed
Myself

Top shelf
Narcissistic prison cell

I’m so sorry for the rage
I’ve displaced on your shells
I know you’re not
I know your health
I should have walked away
And melted
My shame is hell and
I will never end it

I should have taken the pain
And felt it

I should have
But I fucking spit it back
And dealt it

Oops
Ooof
Goof

Shame makes proof
Humans are toxic
And terrified of truth

Run
Run
Lose the sun
Like a coward running
Shoot your gun
And be done
With me

I will build a wall for you
A throne to tower over truth
And you can lead us all
To ruin

My Life in a Graveyard

That’s the mean
Fearful girl I know
Kindess?
No
Anger
Arrogance
Silence
Low

That’s the angry girl I know

You’re so weak
You can’t even speak
You seeped into me
And made me so meek
So sad and discreetly
Changing me
With your endless misery
Complaints
And negativity

Toxic adventure
Wish I had not met her

But now I’m released
And I am beast
A monster of mayhem
Made by your hatred
My strength
Back in me
My danger
Has teeth
Again

Discredit me to hide yourself
Threaten me and question my health
Call me paranoid
For calling you out
Invalidate my emotional response
By telling me I’m wrong
Avoid your own
Accountability
By labeling it a temper tantrum

But the rage in my heart is for no one
But you

How could anyone be responding
To my temper tantrums and paranoia
When their only exposure to it
Would be from stories told by you

You know what you did
Was shit

I don’t want your emotional labour
What the fuck does that even mean
Speak like human
Not a self help magazine
For trendy teens
Pretending they’re growing
Just learning to be
Themselves

Thinking therapy
Will save them
Because they’re too weak to save themselves

You haven’t defamed me
But you offered to publicly
But let’s just avoid that
Tell me to get therapy
Instead
So you don’t have to face the truth
In your head

My anger is valid
And not some unbalanced
Madness

You lied and used me
Treated me disrespectfully
While I did everything
For you

You selfishly inject yourself
Into my house
And blame me
For wanting you in my mouth
Try to discredit me
By making it seem
I’m shallow and selfishly
Only trying to feed my needs
But really
Really…
We both know who acted selfishly

You were not supportive
You were in it for yourself
You didn’t care what’s best for me
Just in it for yourself
You never tried to help me
Just left me alone
To fend for myself

Devalue me
Call me crazy
Don’t try, be lazy
Effort is too hard for you
Talking is too big for you
Too real to do
Anything
But cry
And whine
And criticize
And block
And hide

Run
Run
Never try
Avoid my eyes
Cowardly hide
And run from your lies
From your selfish side
Bury your head in the sand
And cry

You’re a fucking child
Inside

And this is how you see me
The truth you always keep from me
I truly believed you adored me
And it filled me
My heart
With joy, and love, and glory

But you never admired me
You didn’t even respect me
Appreciate or value me
Temper tantrum paranoia
Mad and pouty little boy, ya?
That’s what you see?

Ok fine
I love crossing lines
And I’m mad at your lies
And sabotaging my life

I know
I know
I should put you out of mind

My heart is broken
My anger is a token
Shame I will carry like an open wound
Forever
Remembering how I treated you
When I let my anger take the wheel
And follow through
Imagining the pain you might feel

And the sickness sticks to me like glue

But I never knew you
If you’re hurting, I have no clue
You don’t communicate
Or show through
You don’t care that I’m hurting
You don’t care that I’m worried
That your words won’t be true
When you tell people about me and you
You just want me to get away from you
You care more about me calling you out
Than you care about how
You hurt me

Cruelty becomes me
Pain, and loss, and misery
I’m sorry for these words
And I hope you forget me
And this hurt

Goodbye my love
My sacred dove
You never tried
You always lied
Until I died
In front of you

And that just annoyed you

Yin Kill Yang

I can’t stop dying
Every time I’m reminded
My heart breaks
And bleeds out
Again
And the pain is a lion
Eating my mind and
I can’t stop dying
Every day
I wake

I did it again
I let hope in
I drank the poison
Blocked the noise and
Fell right in

Sing a song for me
While I die quietly in the streets
On my knees
For no reason

You can’t hear me
When you’re near me
So passive, like smoke
You put your hands through me
To get to my gold
But never consume me

Take the apple from my hand
Tell me I am not the man
Beat me down until I’m sand
Until I’m molded by your hands
Manipulated by your plans
To be the thing that feeds your grand
Design

My needs
Are an inconvenience
An annoying bee
Persistently buzzing
And needing
To be pleased
While you’re trying to be
Free
Of me

And you just resent me
For wanting you

I can’t stop dying
Every time I’m reminded
Of you
I can’t stop lying
To myself
Pretending you loved me
When my needs
Were just an inconvenience
For you

I’m fine
Don’t mind
Me
I’ll just die here
Quietly
Alone

One of these days
I will find someone
Who is not a coward
Who is not an angry flower
Who will love my power

Stand proud beside me
Not behind
Above
Below me
Not cowering or hiding
Or crying and whining
Or weak willed and lying

One of these days
I’ll wake up
And die
Alone

Rage Makes Meat

One word
Can hurt more than it should

I do not want
What I think
I want
Wish and drink
Do I think
Or feel
Without thought

I’m lost
I don’t want
Anything

Cut off my hands
To keep from reaching out to you again

Remember
I must remember
How I treated
I know how I was treated
When I was defeated
Devastated and bleeding
I must remember
How it’s all so fleeting
Plays on feelings
Meaning something else

I remember the panic I felt
When I hit bottom
Knowing
Somewhere deep
In my very being
That I had crossed a line
I was never coming back from

I remember that day in my mouth
Like blood creeping up and all around

That feeling
Of sudden, inescapable loss
The moment it breaks in your heart
And it’s gone
Forever

Tiny profound moments every day
Forgotten when they become yesterday

I walk the streets now
With broken feet
Hoping to see her
With pain and defeat
Rage and meat
Smoking indiscreetly
Bleeding
Retreating
Defeated

Could have been so neat

Instead…
Hatred, intolerance, judgment, dread

We choose to be savage
Malnourished beasts
Wanting and mean
Begging to eat
Bowing at feet
And hating the weak

Stupid beasts
With engineered needs
We’re cowards and queens
No future will free us

Get on your knees
And pray it ends quickly

Your Weak Will is an Open Door to Horror

I come into your world
Singing
Screaming
You clutch your fucking pearls
Dreaming
And hide from me
Scared to be

A coward
Silence me

Words
Worn
Like slippery
Lies
Falling off
Like dying flies

You’re not strong enough
For what comes next

Agent of chaos
Of rage and rot
An angel of harm and
Crayons
Lost

I leave a wake of change
And danger
In my way

I’m not your safe space

I’m real
And you will have to face me

Some days, when I wake
Violence is the only way
To save the day

The only choice to make
The only way
Through

The only way to stop you

A coward
And their rules
Are never true

They cannot be
They’re made
Precisely
To avoid truth

Step up
Or give up
And get the fuck
Out
The
Way

Fool

I’m so tired
Of babies

Placating
Replicating
All the outrage
They’ve been baiting

All the crying
And complaining
Is pathetic

And infuriating

Laughing and crying and dying inside
To the end
Of all this
Self
Ejaculation

Speak truly
People don’t like me

Not really

They want to be like me
Free from you
Fearless and fucking mean

They run away
Ignore me

Never support me

But they want to keep close
And steal all my clothes
They steal all my notes
And claim them and gloat
And step on my throat
While wearing my coat

Look at everybody smile
It’s so fucking fake
Like slime it slides across the face
A lie to hate
To spread and blame

To fake your fucking coward face

And leave traces
Of your negative space
All over fucking everything

Forgive me
You’re forgiven