Love You Hate You Break You Eat

It’s so hard to see it right
In broad daylight

Why

How many times have I realized
I’m lying
When I’m trying
To be real
To speak clearly

How many lives
Have I
Pulled apart
In my careless want
Of nothing

Will you come to me
With decades bleeding
Between us
Revealing
A wound I inflicted
Without even feeling
The blade in my hand

Am I someone’s monster
Did I harm her
Thinking I had charmed her
Did I break her
Thinking I was making her
Stronger

Am I insane
Do I remain silent
And die in it
A fool that’s been filling his
Own cup
Without looking up

It’s all wrong
The way we are
The way we string
Each other along

Deception
Deflection
Deranged intentions

I am rage incarnate
I am love departed

The gaping hole of loss
The hard abuse of every boss
Of endless disappointment
Endless days of being exploited
By everyone I choose to join with

Take advantage
Place the bandage
Pretend you’re candid
When you planned it

Calculated and deceptive
Motive
Moves you
Forward
Through me

Why do you hate me
Why don’t you stop
When it hurts me
Why do you take
When it breaks me

Why don’t you care?

Heaven on Fire

Sometimes poetry can’t describe
That look in her eyes
The sound of her sigh
Or how it makes me feel inside
My mind is winding
Flying
High

I hide
My excitement
I try
But I’m blind
And alive
And lost
So gone
In her eyes

Sweet
Songs
Sing inside me

Sweet
Sublime
Sweet beautiful mind
Sweet kitten of mine
Come lay in my lap
Let me help you unwind

She parts her lips
And gasps
She moves her hips
And lets me slip
Inside her grasp

Lets me slide
And opens wide to push my might
Inside her life

She manifests
She burns desire
She drops to her knees
And sets me on fire

Soft bronze eyes
Look into my light
Look up with the longing
Of kittens and kindness

Look up with the hunger
Of ten thousand lions

While I am on fire
And lost in the highest
And brightest
Of flames of the purest desire
Pushing against her throat like a tiger
Fucking her like I’m possesed and on fire
Devouring her pain until nothing remains
But blood in our veins

Pumping out love
Like it’s made in the rain

I am the one when I’m buried inside her
She is the sun
And I’m blind
Standing by her

We will become
A great light and a fire
To bring life to the world
And to life bring desire

We’ll reach to the heavens
And then we’ll reach higher

We’ll pick up the torch
And light it on fire
We will be one
And our love be the pyre
To burn out the pain
Of the dead left behind her

I kiss her mouth and melt
She looks at me softly and knows how I felt
I hold her face in my hands and melt
I’m struck again by the hand I’ve been dealt

Thank the gods and the back door to hell

Note To Self: Destruction

How long can a person stagnate
In a single repeating loop
Before they lose themselves
Before they dissolve completely
Into the way
They have paved

How long can silence hide you
Before your voice is lost
In the white noise
You’ve buried your head in
Alarming attempt to drown in
Your own denials

Alarming attempt to separate
Eviscerate
Complicate and decimate
Every state
That wakes you

How long have I been sleeping here
I look so old
How many years
Of my own existence
Have I missed?

How many days repeated here
I must have known
That I, alone
Had the choice
To move along
To just move on

I must have known
I’d be pulled into the gears

I must have known
That all these years
The machine we built
Was fed by blood
And oiled by tears
Why would I think
I’m safe in here

I must have known

When I plugged myself into the chair
Held in place with wires and care
My house of cards
Waiting for air
To destroy me

How long can a person hide their face
Before they forget they became
The replacement

Shame and a waste
You could have been you
But you were replaced
With a fake
That nobody likes
Anyway

Good job, ace

Like a boss
As we say

The Degeneration of Love

IV

Cascades
Broken colours
Mirrors
In shards of light

(cliche)

Ideas
Broken glass
Lasting far past
Endless silence sight

(cliche!)

Night is roaring
At the fading light

(always the same)

III

And nothing passes
In mirrors
Cutting down horizons
To shine an endless reflection
Of itself
All over my breaking face

Arrange the colours
Mechanical lines divide
To make the spectrum shine
Through my eyes

To change my mind
Arrange the shards of glass
Refractions blasted
To hide the sun, stains, past
Trick my mind
To paint a lovely false sublime

(The blinding light is fine
They always say
But they always look away…)

II

Choking down my will to breathe
To please
I laugh at my mind

Close my eyes
To hide
From life
And living
And you

Don’t remind me
This time
Can’t fix my eyes with your lies

There’s nowhere to hide

…But there are places to fly
When you understand why

I

Spirals of oozing concrete
Form
To point the way

Endless tongues into the mouth of a monster
Sweet lullabies
To make us stay

A little longer
Always feeling, falling away
And I’m going to do it again today

…And nothing passes
In mirrors
Cutting down horizons
To shine an endless reflection
Of itself
All over my broken face

The Fuckboy Twitch

Sittin’ at the sex clinic
Swiping on Tinder
Hottie sits across from me
Starin’ at my finger

Gotta get off
Gotta get off
Gotta get outta here

So many girls
So many worlds
To enter

So many moments
For my magic fucking finger

Why, why, why,
why, why, why, why
Does she entice my lusting eyes…

Dust, disease, rash, relief
Nothing ever stops me

I’m filled and quenched and satisfied
Exhausted, fucked and pacified

I’ve eaten so much pie
That I’m permanently high
And I want more

Why, why, why, why,
why, why, why…

My monster lust
It must
Envelope you in carnal trust
Consume you, bond in sweat and musk

It needs you willing on your knees
Enthusiastic smiling treat
It needs you soft so whimper please
Beg for me

And I will give you what you need

Submit yourself before my beast
And we will break the monsters free

You look through me with smiles and say…

Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I have diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs

And you go down
I start to swell

I’ll never fight
I’ll never tell
The softness swells…

Birthday twist
The hammer hits
And breaks the bell

Keep it sweet
Impersonal

Modern metro sexandgo

Fantasyland Of The Optimist

This is my world of make believe
I’ll make you believe
And then you will see

This is my world of make believe
And I will believe

I live in a shell
And call it a cell
And hope for the best
That’s offered in hell

Faith, I believe
But I don’t feel well

You never could tell

This is my world of make believe
My false reprieve

Pretend to believe
I want to be free in a world full of thieves
That I want to do good for the profit of fiends
For bloodsucking thieves

Pretend to believe
That this is my world of make believe

Think that I’m safe in the faith of my shell
But see with each step that things aren’t going well

I’ll never tell
That all that I know is going to hell
Wishing them well
Faith, I believe
That this is not hell

Faith, I believe
I’m really not alone in my shell

When all things around me
Have all gone to hell

…I will find a way to be
You and me

Faith, I believe
I’m really not alone in my shell
For you’re here as well

You will see
And then I’ll believe

You and me

Abasement Of The Masochist

Deep this wound’s revealing
I’ve kept myself from any feeling

I’ve kept myself from ever healing…

Scarred, I’m broken
Took this pain to be a token
Of my love for you

Broken down by my own virtues

Lost my way, don’t want to move
Won’t you speak
I don’t know what to do

Can’t find one thing with any value

Tell me it’s not true
Show me something good inside you
Say you hold it as a virtue

Tell me that it’s true

Deep this wound’s revealing
All these things I’ve been concealing
To spare your feelings

To keep myself from ever healing

Put your misery in me
To be
A token of my love for you

Won’t you speak
Please
I don’t know what to do

My skin is peeling
Scar myself to cry for you
To spare your feelings
I’ll keep myself from ever healing

A token of my love for you

Tradition Stagnates Growth and Evolution

The typical opinion of what a relationship should be
seems to be a perverse,
socialistic,
self-serving ideal.

Most often,
from what I see around me,
they become quite horrible –
or quite horribly dull.

Expectation and promises ruin everything.

People don’t seem to be able to simply enjoy.
Desperation.
Loneliness seems to be what drives people.
Seek desperately,
only to suck dry what you find,
all the while hiding and lying.
No fun in that.

The sex gets boring fast, too.

I think true nature acts without questions,
no demands,
no expectations –
only the enjoyment of the company,
the experience –
or nothing.

Commitment,
pledges and promises
are the vain, possessive, manipulative methods of foolish,
frightened and sad,
lonely humans.

I know what I want from others,
and it has nothing to do with possession,
or a plea for help,
or even loneliness.

Relationships don’t cure loneliness –
not for me.
They give me sexual comfort and spiritual bonding,
but in the end,
I’m still my own vessel following my own path.

If you end up on the same path as me,
then perhaps,
we hang out while we’re moving in the same direction,
but we’re still on our own paths,
and if they change directions separately,
we part and take our own path,

or we compromise our peace and happiness.

I’m sure that monogamy does happen in a pure state sometimes.
Nothing is impossible.

People are infinitely different
in their pleasures and desires.
Some people can continue to grow from each others presence
and will feel no need for anyone else.
It happens – but it shouldn’t be a standard.

It doesn’t happen that often.

What Lies Beyond The Inevitable Fade

I

I crave to break apart the box
Rearrange the parts
It leaves my mark

Compelled to break apart the laws
Disassemble right and wrong
Rewrite your songs

Erase your lines
(Rewrite your lies)

I’ve walked through your labyrinth
It made me sick
Your indirection

I watch you in a window, waiting
Hoping you’re that special one
To me

Ego glowing

II

Why haven’t we changed
From our archaic ways
What makes us cling to
Living this way?

Lay me down and wrap me around
A wet blanket weighed the same as
All the blood wasted
And claimed in the name of
Anyone who fits the plan
And plays the hand
That’s been programmed

I don’t know who falls
When it’s all of us
On The wall

III

I see your boxes and your longing
To break them apart
To remind you how cathartic
It can be to breathe

Tradition holds us tightly locked
Refusal of any growth beyond it
And we flaunt it
Special flag, oh we adorn it
Trapped in our minds…

IV

Why?
Do you feel the need to be
That singular, special, perfect thing to me
Why do you have to bleed
The weakness of your ego
All over me

Fucking love yourself
Try it for a day
See if you can carry that weight
Stop talking
Shut up
Do it it today

V

There’s a thousand worlds beyond
The one repeating suburban loop
You and your group
Exploit

Why do you insist
On making choices when the voices
Have been screaming NO!

I smoked a million cigarettes
And never got past my regrets

Get over yourself
Your pain isn’t wealth
It isn’t some cherished personal thing

You’re not fucking special
No matter how big the promise
The ring

VI

Your fantasy
Monogamy
Will bleed into monotony
You’ll want what you should not
And then
You’ll question your morality
And you will lose your certainty

The shadows start to breed
a thousand versions of your greed
Your ego supercedes
And you will lose yourself to me
and then repeat

You’re not alone
You’re not the only one thing
To anyone

Your fantasy
Will lead to disappointment

VII

I know, as you know, as we all know
what it feels like
Just fucking get over yourself

You’re not fucking special
You’re not unique at all
You’re just like the rest
Just a fucking shadow at best

Just a shell of what could have been
The best fucking thing that you could be

Instead you curl inside yourself
Pathetic shell hiding away
On a forgotten shelf

Goodnight, goodbye, my love…

The Passive Wolf And The Pile Of Bones

Music is my master
Says Alice
The malice evident in the way she holds her head
In her hands

My heartbeat is faster when I’m moving with the grains of sand

Try to understand
She says
From my side from where I stand
Looking at the man I am
Pursue me, she would whisper, as she ran
Away

I follow through the forest of the world
I am not alone
I am a pack of wolves
And we run to find the one alone
Howl and shine in the sun for the show

I am not alone
And I don’t know these wolves

Music is my master
Says Alice
Laughter is the softest reaction to madness
As she stands before her audience
Laments at all this failed romance
Try to understand
She says
(I’ll never lie –
I never tried)
And Alice runs away
Again

And we all die alone.

…It doesn’t have to be this way
Alice whispers through the blinding light of day
…please… try…
Pursue me, follow me this way
Hand in hand we’ll stand today
Sing a song
I’ll dance
We’ll play
There will never be an end
To the songs that we can make

Please try
She whispers
As she says goodbye…